So I decided to end the other post mid-writing, and now it’s been what.. Crap, I don’t know, like 3 weeks after I initially posted it?
Anyway, I am depressed today. There isn’t a particular reason–maybe I’m just tired, hangry, cranky because I just changed my diet drastically, and started working out again–but I still feel down. Which is really annoying, because there actually isn’t anything going wrong with my life right now.
I am thankful that I am with someone who understands me when I’m upset, but of course there’s the “I’m burdening you, am I not?” mentality I get when I get depressed. It sucks. This feeling sucks. I hate it, and I don’t want it, and I don’t need it. Because it’s a slippery slope from there. I go into all the horrible crap I’ve been through, the horrible crap I’m going through, and the horrible crap I’m about to go through. Jeeeeez, brain. Chill. Holy cow.
So I, then, have to rally myself and start enumerating the good things I have going for me: my sister is out of the hospital, my boyfriend is wonderful, my grades aren’t dead yet, I don’t have stress armpit stinkiness, I smell like cupcakes, I have gum I can chew on during one of the most boring classes ever created, I can type away my feels–even if I don’t know if anyone reads this crap–, I can pick my check up today, I actually feel good about my body, I have sea salt vinegar chips I can go eat once class is done. etc., etc.,…. Wooh.
But this is a daily battle, and it’s sooo sooo difficult to have people stay in your life when you have to deal with this all the freaking time. It’s not like I love wallowing in it, it just sideswipes me like a kid on a skateboard who suddenly gets catapulted into the air because some random ninja turtle came out of the pothole and pushed it up. Random analogy, yes, but you should be used to that by now. LOL.
Anyway. I guess I have to just try and wake myself up for 2 hours before I pass out during class. Help me, Lord Jesus.