Musing no. 29: Depression Stinks

OOOOO UPDATE.

So I decided to end the other post mid-writing, and now it’s been what.. Crap, I don’t know, like 3 weeks after I initially posted it?

Anyway, I am depressed today. There isn’t a particular reason–maybe I’m just tired, hangry, cranky because I just changed my diet drastically, and started working out again–but I still feel down. Which is really annoying, because there actually isn’t anything going wrong with my life right now.

I am thankful that I am with someone who understands me when I’m upset, but of course there’s the “I’m burdening you, am I not?” mentality I get when I get depressed. It sucks. This feeling sucks. I hate it, and I don’t want it, and I don’t need it. Because it’s a slippery slope from there. I go into all the horrible crap I’ve been through, the horrible crap I’m going through, and the horrible crap I’m about to go through. Jeeeeez, brain. Chill. Holy cow.

So I, then, have to rally myself and start enumerating the good things I have going for me: my sister is out of the hospital, my boyfriend is wonderful, my grades aren’t dead yet, I don’t have stress armpit stinkiness, I smell like cupcakes, I have gum I can chew on during one of the most boring classes ever created, I can type away my feels–even if I don’t know if anyone reads this crap–, I can pick my check up today, I actually feel good about my body, I have sea salt vinegar chips I can go eat once class is done. etc., etc.,…. Wooh.

 

But this is a daily battle, and it’s sooo sooo difficult to have people stay in your life when you have to deal with this all the freaking time. It’s not like I love wallowing in it, it just sideswipes me like a kid on a skateboard who suddenly gets catapulted into the air because some random ninja turtle came out of the pothole and pushed it up. Random analogy, yes, but you should be used to that by now. LOL.

Anyway. I guess I have to just try and wake myself up for 2 hours before I pass out during class. Help me, Lord Jesus.

 

Musing no. 27: Back to da School

School begins tomorrow, signaling the need for me to post my yearly back-to-school litany. Let’s begin with a story.
 
My mom taught me how to read when I was three or four. She used to have me read from the book of Psalms, and her friends used to say, “WOW! She can memorize it!” My mom would then respond, “She can READ it! I’d be more impressed if she could memorize it, though.”
 
No, I’m not minimizing my mom’s comment, or making her look bad. In fact–with challenges like that–I, my brother, and my sister have all achieved what we achieved because our desire to better ourselves was self-fueled. Our parents never imposed. Gosh, I resented my dad for making me write, “I will not go out past 5:30pm and go drinking with my friends” 5,000 times when I was 18 (YES, I actually wrote that crap 5,000 times), but now I have the pride of saying my handwriting is beautimous. (For reference, stalk IG: thecatthatstolchristmas) Shameless self-promoting. Tsk.
 
Anyway, my point is that how you pursue this journey is based solely on yourself and how you react to outside influence. NO ONE can predict what happens while they dictate what you do. In fact, if I listened to everything my parents said, I wouldn’t be here. (I’d probably be at Harvard, lols)
 
You are in charge. You got a new track, stay on it, stay focused, and don’t break up with anyone during finals week because that’s a crappy thing to do and it makes you a total dickbag because you don’t care how anything affects other people because you’re a total user. Also make sure you thank the people you cross along the way who help you, because you may still end up needing their help anyway. (mad shade. hella shade. putting on all the shades😎)
 
But JK, that’s up to you. It’s just much better if you treat people kindly. It is the key to being the ray of sunshine everyone needs when everything starts becoming gloomy and halloweeny and snowy, woo!
 
Begin this path with humility, perseverance, patience, generosity, and kindness. I promise you, it will yield good things, you will accrue good people, and you have the chance to pass on the good that is rarely existent today.
 
Have fun with school, kids. MamaLo is here if you need to rant, someone to talk to about schedules, your boy/girl/other/pet trouble, if you want to buy me food, I’m always here.
 
Oh and also, make sure you say hi.
 
🤙🏼✌🏼😘
-Lo