Musing no. 14: See the good.

My heart hurts right now. Obviously it’s over a boy. OBVIOUSLY.

Yeah, yeah I know. “It’s stupid you deserve better, it’s just not the right time for you yet, it wasn’t meant to be, if it’s meant to be it will work itself out, God is in control, there are more fish in the sea, you should be celibate, the right one will come someday etc. etc.” I get it. I’ve said all of that to other people too. But humor me, and let me bask in my agony. Hopefully, it will help me let go.

The problem with being Lo is that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Oh you want me to love you? YES! I will love you! I GIVE YOU ALL THE LOVE! ALLLL THE LOVE!!!! Oh, you’re done being loved? Ok. Ok, bye.

The Giving Tree, like.

Then I go back to laying in my bed, crying myself to sleep, posting all the sad memes, internalizing everything and putting up a facade to ward off people from prying, and then begin being okay being alone. Becoming happy by myself. And then guess what?

It happens again. LOL.

So what’s the point, Lo?” You might ask. WELLLLL.

It’s to see the good in people. I give my love because I see the good in people. I don’t take, but am cognizant of what I receive. I cherish it.

To keep loving. Understanding that you need to protect yourself, but to be able to love consistently, you have to allow yourself to be loved, as well. Don’t run away when things get rough. Try to communicate and work it out. Agree on something. Work on it. Don’t resent.

Don’t worry, I’m working on all of that, too.

Be the good. There’s too much hurt already. Don’t hurt others.